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Those notes, brown lined paper with a blue stripe down the side and letters like lace on their pages, they are what life is. I didn't care that he saw you anymore. I still loved him, he still loved me and we had learned to be kind to each other. My stomach never panged at the thought of you, when I did bother to think of you. I knew you were beautiful, like me but better and that didn't matter. But the notes changed everything. They whispered in a soft and thoughtful voice with an eternal quality that soothed me. I hoped he'd never stop seeing you because I had become so addicted to your little letters that they became part of my work routine. I'd sit with my legs underneith me, a hot cup of tea with brandy in it and an orange and wait for complete stillness. I'd unfold you, let the parchment open up to me and read slowly. I'd get drunk on your words and fall into a heap. You became my 5" paper muse and inorder to accept this I abstracted the rest of my life. In one note, your note which started off with the rhythm of an old wind up clock with a gear rusted, you changed my whole life. I could not love my husband, or my home or my work anymore knowing you waere out there. It had always been about the two of us and my husband was just a shell, a vehicle to bring us close enough to see but never to touch.
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